Transparent Reality

There is one thing, more than anything that has helped me establish healthy relationships. Not just with my kids, but with my family and friends as well. Want to know what it is? It's called transparent reality.

Transparent reality is putting yourself in a vulnerable spot of transparency so that others will connect with the person you really are at the core of your being, not the artificial person that you have grown more comfortable with people seeing on the surface. Years ago, this concept deeply changed me and my relationships.

See, I was one of those who was always striving after perfection and this made it very difficult for me to ever be seen less than flawless. I would go days and nights arguing about how other people were always wrong; after all, there was no way I could ever be wrong. In my mind, I was the standard. At that time, I was actually believing a lie which led me to living a lie. Everything I had ever known up to this point was very artificial.

Now let's fast forward a bit.

One day I went to my Christian women's group and the most life-changing lesson is being taught. I was introduced to the notion of being completely transparent so that I can live a life of complete freedom. This is exactly what Jesus did when He was on the earth. When He was hungry, He expressed it. When He needed help, He said so. He was the picture of Truth. Truth is transparent and it always brings more freedom to enjoy your life fully. I'm talking about freedom in every area of your life; freedom from people's opinions, freedom from self-hatred and condemnation, and freedom from all types of fear. What about this one? The most important of all...freedom to be exactly who God created you to be. I grabbed hold of this concept and I never let go.

We, as parents, have to be able to relate to our kids in this world. 9 out of 10 times their going through things we've already gone through. Well, guess what? We have to be willing to say so. We have to allow them to see the good, bad and the UGLY. Why? Because, this is the place where we become real people to them. They need real examples that they can look to and say, "they're not perfect, but they are still standing strong. So can I."

Parents should always exercise authority and set boundaries, but even more importantly, they should lead by example. Being a transparent example before your children will build strong healthy relationships. As you admit some things and apologize for some other things you will feel the weights falling off and your kids drawing closer.

This changed my life. Let it change yours.




photo by Michele Cantania